Well my grandmother passed away this morning. Mother called me this afternoon to let me know. It may seem somewhat strange to most people but I somehow am not all that sad about it and i am quite happy for her actually. It was said that she died quietly and without pain. I was told she had gotten up, walked down the hall to the cafeteria and ate a hefty breakfast. Shortly after breakfast she walked back to her room, laid down and simply fell asleep....never to awaken in this life again. Quite undramatic and I am quite happy for her passing. I am not saying that because i didn't love her but because i did love her with my entire being. She was much loved. She was my everything in this life. I will miss her, she will always remain alive in my memories.
Anyway, I am very disappointed with all those around me at the moment. I am told that there will be no wake / viewing of her and this has angered me deeply. All the years she was institutionalized none of her arrogant children had made sure that her money was safe and would not be squandered and to make sure that there would be funds for a viewing and all the funeral expenses later. And so now those same arrogant people are shedding crocodile tears like any of them had ever really given a damned about her. They make me feel so sick. They speak of such fond memeories....now that she is dead of course, but I recall memories of my own of how they all really felt about her all those years ago. My memories were how ill she was used, abused, talked about behind her back, made fun of and laughed at and now suddenly they cry their crocodile tears and cry out her name as if they would actually miss her.
Some will now have a really good reason to despise me further, because they know who they are that I speak of. They now question MY loyalty to my grandmother, I was more loyal to her than ANY of them, I loved her more than all of them put together. My grandmother was no angel and i had heard many stories about her but even so still I loved her. I could love her no matter what. Yes she and I had our differences, I was angry with her many times throughout my years and vice versa but I never ever forgot all that she had taught me and all that she had given me. She loved me, she sheltered me, she fought for and protected me many times over the years, so many times so that I have her to thank for my life today. She kept me alive through the worst times of my life, She hid me from many a storm, she eased the pain of heartbreak, she soothed any anger i might have felt, she held me in her arms and wiped away the tears. Without her I don't know if i would have survived, even through the worst times of my life when i wanted to give up, she gave me reason to go on living my life.She would never let me down, I trusted her with my life. I readily admit I was not perfect but everytime i let her down she always would forgive me for my shortcomings. I have so many wonderful and bitter sweet memories that will sustain me for the rest of my life. And now that she is gone many would like to take away her credit for loving me as much as she did and they would like to take credit for who I am today.....but the credit will always be hers and that no one can take that away from her!!!
As for her so called family, they only care about themselves, they are a bunch of hyenas and vultures waiting to see what they can scavage from whats left of her personal belongs. They won't get any financial compensations since none of them thought about insurance or anything like that before they decided to institionalize her all those years ago and thats as it should be......because the greedy pigs don't deserve to benefit from her death.They had always been a bunch of freeloaders and thieves, always taking from her and seldom ever giving anything back in return.They never appreciated her and now they would have the whole world believe that they had always appreciated and loved her........as if!!!!! I doubt that even now any of them even have a decent sense of loss or even a true feeling of sadness or a realization that she is really gone. Do they care, I doubt that too, they are most likey relieved and gld they no longer are burdened and put upon.
I believe deep in my heart that she began to deteriorate the day her no good children placed her in that cold institution where they had abandoned her for so many years. She spent the rest of her years isolated and alone, seldom ever seeing or hearing any of her family. I was the only one who did sneak in to see her as much as i could. I called her as often i could. I tried to let her know that no matter what I would always love her and never forget her. I was always trying to find ways to get her out of that place but failed miserably everytime but still she loved me and understood. Everytime i went to see her it made me so sad. I saw the lonliness and the pain in her eyes, she was so unbearly lonely in that place and there was nothing I could do to help her or soothe her pain.It was horrendously hard for me to leave her after every visit, it just made me despise my ignorant and heartless family all the more over the years.
I came to eventually despise the entire family for thier heartlessness towards her. Today I say this with as much venom as i can muster..... I hope each and every one of THEM come to suffer the same fate as they chose for her. May they know the isolation and incredible lonliness they bestowed upon her all those years ago. may they also die alone... although i hope their deaths will also be as peaceful. She has been released from such a horrible life and i am sure she has finally found the happiness and peace she was denied in life.
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