Well just as i said, we went to the hearing and nobody won, again the judge became fraustrated with the whole mess. I wasn't there of course but Im told it was a farce with Nikki Hannivig spouting off at the judge about the system of justice. Im sure if i had been there i would have been laughing my ass off. She is one of those anarchist of the worst kind. Even her daughter kept telling her to shut up in court because she was saying stupid shit. In any case it didn't help her case in the end.... pun intended...lol!!!
Anyway, news to report. I have finally come to my senses after 28+/- years. I have decided to get out while the getting out is good. All kinds of crap have hit the fan since i last wrote here. My husband John will never change, I have waited all these years for him to grow up and be responsible and productive. I have been a good wife, although there have been times when i had cut loose and had some fun. But I always came home to him in spite of it all. I believed in him. Sadly, I wasted so much time doing so. Oh the regrets i have now. I can't change anything so all I can do at this point is to move on.
For the past 3 - 4 months now all he has done was lied, stoled, sneaked about behind my back doing what he wanted. He shut me out of some very important decisions in our life. He has knowingly lied to me. He has excluded me deliberately from different things he should have been sharing with me as his wife. He has treated me like shit, emotionally and mentally battering me and not caring at all.
He has even become a financial burden to me and a dangerous one and i have been forced to make some financial changes of my own. I have had to close my bank account and make a change for recieving my payments from SSI every month. He no longer will have access to my money come November. My money will no longer be directly deposited into a bank account but to a privately held debit Xpress card. He is not happy with this situation. But he brought it on himself by stealing from me all the time. I have decided that I can no longer bear this man. He is a cheat, a liar, and as his own mother called him "a freeloader" and thats exactly what he is. I have had enough of him.
He is a big time loser and will never be a productive citizen or husband. He will never be able to take care of anyone or lift himself out of his poverty. He is always looking for something for nothing from people who do work hard for a living and accomplish success in their lives. Because he is at the bottom of the barrel he blames everyone else when he should work as hard as everyone else does. He thinks everyone else contribute to his misery and they owe him a life. he used to be so intelligent but with age i guess comes stupidity. He is almost a worthless human being and perhaps better off being a recluse from the real world.
As of today he kept his promise that RAC would come and take away my new furniture because we couldn't finish paying it off. Earlier in the week he told me that i could keep the TV but then the next day i find out that i was going to lose it so I took up the issue with him and again I learned he had lied to me. I fought with him and ended up getting him to change his mind and let me keep the TV so RAC didn't take that. He had made the lastest payment on it. But from now on I will be making the payments. My plan is to get back the furniture oneday and pay for it myself. Part B of my plan is to work it with him for as long as i am forced to stay here till i can get my own place to live..... that I will pay for the cable/phone/internet all in one and I will also pay for my furniture and thats all i will pay for my share of the expenses here. The rest he will have to find a way to pay for. I will however help with vehicle insurance and expenses since i use the car to go places too. I will not pay for the heating fuel, electric, taxes, water, sewer etc. Those will all be his responsibilities since he is the one who wants to stay in the feud with his family over this dumpy property. I on the other hand am planning to get out just as fast as i can and as soon as i can.
I am going to file for separation and being forced to file for support so i can get public services at the public assistance office and any HUD programs i am eligible for. Later i will file for divorce and get out of this mentally disturb family and try to rebuild whats left of my life. I have to try to pick up the pieces of my life and find some semblences of happiness and peace. The one thing i will never do again and that is "marry" ever again. its just not worth all the wasted years and all the wasted effort i put into it.
I have realized that i need to find my own peace to live my own life. Find a way to be happy even if for a little while. I have forgotten what it was to be happy. Almost 30 years of pain and disappointments have made me almost give up. Thank goodness I have finally found my strength and will to stand up for myself and make a decision to change my life. I finally realise now that Only i can change it and that if i don't do it now i may never do it. I am stronger and i feel my own power after all these years.
Thats not to say im not scared because i am absolutely terrified at the prospect of leaving and being on my own out there. Its a big mean world and i am going to become a part of that. I don't know how to function out ther alone anymore. i need to learn all over again from scratch. But Im determined to make it. I know i can because i still have my mom and i do have a few true friends to help me and be there for me should i fail at first. I thank my lucky stars too.
Oh well its late and time to sleep. I shall return so keep checking back now and then. I bid you good night!!!
