The End of the Old Year Has Come!!!

Hello once again, well christmas has come and gone. Thanksgiving, christmas and New Year's day are the three worst holidays for me since the death of my daughter back in Feb. 2005. Those were her favorite holidays of the entire year. Since her passing the only thing I get to enjoy about Xmas is the christmas lights and decorations everyone indulges in. Hell I don't even celibrate Xmas anymore. There is no tree, no decorations, no shopping, giving or recieving of gifts, nothing of any enjoyment. I do however indulge in making a ham dinner with all the trimmings. But I really do miss Christmas... alot. Its so sad without my daughter. She was always so excited and happy and i loved her smiles and her joy when she opened her gifts to find everything she dreamed of having.

Well now im waiting for the New year to ring in, Im sure its not going to be any better than this past year has been. With any luck I will finally find a way to afford my own apartment, which so far i have been unsuccessful of this past year. It just never gets any easier and to make things worse I don't even get an inflation raise. Sometimes i think someone is trying to sabotage me and everything Im trying to achieve. AND then I have people telling me that if my life is so bad i should just leave. Thats easier said than done. Im disabled and on a fixed income. I also don't drive. Im not the sharpest knife in the drawer either since i have no idea how to read a map, a bus schedule or anything like that on my own.
I have doctors appointments to keep all the time, places to go, people to see, things to do and i need someone to drive me. The other problems I have for being on my own is that since im somewhat disabled there are alot of stuff i can no longer do for myself and need help with or someone to do them for me.

I dream of the day that i will be able to move into an apartment of my own and start living my own life again and regain my freedom and some semblence of independence. I just hope it will be sometime soon...like 2010....lol. Anyone reading this,,, plz wish me luck.